In the words of one of the ladies that I used to work with, “Wowza!” God is moving and speaking! As many of you know, I was praying for a “big thing.” I was praying and trusting that God would bring in my full funding by July 4, 2014. Unfortunately (or fortunately…), He chose not to, but keep reading!
I started out yesterday reading about how Jesus is the vine and we are the branches. We must stay connected to Him because He invites us to share a relationship with Him and God the Father the same as He has with His Father. Don’t read over that too quickly. He says “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love.” (John 15:9, NIV). This is the love that drove God to send a dove to hover over Jesus after He was baptized and to tell Jesus and the crowds of His identity with a thundering voice! This is the love that drove Jesus to willingly and painfully be murdered on a cross. This is the same love that rose Jesus from the dead! In that chapter, Jesus continues to say that God will give us whatever we ask in Jesus’ name. In my small vision of the world, I took that to mean my funding. He gave me so much more!
In WGM’s chapel, the speaker shared on the character of David, how he learned to ask for great things from God. He went from being a small shepherd boy to a great warrior to a king, because of His reliance on God. God was his refuge, his shelter in the storm. David thirsted after Him. Again, I took this to be a little looksee of the funding that I was going to receive that day. I thanked God.
When the note came that my funding had not fully come in, I was crushed. I was tempted-very tempted- to scream and God and be disappointed in His “unfaithfulness”. I did cry before Him. This is what He said. Little by little, He let me know that I had been focusing on the wrong things.
John Chapter 15: I focused on what God would give us materially. He focused on love shown in obedience.
David: I focused on the greatness that David became. He focused on the fact that he sought after God.
In addition, in my devotions truths started pouring over me. In Called, J.D. Walt focused on the life of Moses and how God let Him wait until he was pretty old to call him back to do His will. Walt ponders if this was to strip him of self-assuredness or the thought that he was saving the people of Israel by his own accord. Moses tried once to do just that. A man ended up dead, and Moses was self-exiled. Walt had us read Phil. 3:4-10 and list our accomplishments- the reasons why we think that we deserve to be called by God. He then asked what they were compared to the glory of knowing Christ. Answer- our resumes are NOTHING compared to the glory of knowing Christ.
God then asked my mom to email me about the story of Namaan in 2 Kings 5:13 and how he was told to do a simple thing in order to be healed. My mom said “But then his servants approached him and spoke with him. They said, "My father, had the prophet only asked of you something great, you would have done it, wouldn't you? Yet he told you, 'Bathe, and be clean...!' Like Namaan, so often we think we are only serving God if we are doing something great or if He asks great things of us. I think that He wants us to do the mundane stuff in His name and then He (God) will be great.”
Then God brought the life of Gideon to my awareness. The Lord chose Gideon in his weakness. God went on to tell him “you have too many men. I cannot deliver Midian into their hands, or Israel would boast against me saying ‘My own strength has saved me’” (Judges 7:2). With 32,000 dwindling down to 300 men, God made it very clear that it was all His own strength, not Gideon’s and not Israel’s.
Confession: I wanted glory. I felt able to do the work of God. Yes, I felt (and feel) called, but I also felt capable. Now I know that I am weak, but I am capable because and ONLY because I am equipped through Him.
Again, God laid it on the heart of someone to share with me about the armor of God. She shared to remember always to put on the armor of God and with Him we will win the battle.
So here it goes. God is NOT unfaithful; He is faithful! God is NOT unjust; He is loving. I confess that through this weakness of not being able to provide for myself, I have sought Him more than I think I have ever sought Him in my life. He is providing through each prayer, each word, each interaction. Our God is a God who provides!